Part of our trip to Hawaii will be spent at Disney’s Aulani Resort and Spa. Needless to say we are VERY excited about it too… Every once in awhile I go online and read people’s review of the hotel. Some love it, some don’t, but everyone agrees it’s expensive. We agree as well, but we are such Dis geeks that we have to at least experience it once. So we rented a room with an elevated pool view and don’t plan on leaving the resort at all for the 2 nights we’ll be there.

Here are unedited excerpts from the most reviews of Aulani on Trip Advisor followed by my immediate thoughts… fucking morons from hell are just put on Earth to amuse me, I swear:

Only thing I didn’t appreciate was when they cleaned our room, they put my 2 kids’ Ukelele box into trash. When I told the manager, immediately she replaced the 2 boxes plus $50.00 credit to my account. Superb customer service.
Boohoo… imagine the maid disposing of garbage, how dare she…

The onsite grocery store needs some work which they appear to be addressing with what looked like some expansion work. There are a couple of other convenience stores just across the street in the mini-mall that worked out fine, and big grocery stores are just down the road in Barber’s Point.
Boohoo… who goes on vacation to do groceries anyway…

We had lunch at their buffet, that was good and tasty, but the grounds at the Aulani was most impressive. Friendly staff, clean hotel and grounds. We did not stay but just by the looks of the outside, we commented to each other that the rooms must be nice
Boohoo… how is that a review of the hotel… “If I went inside I might have thought it was beautiful”…

Great views, friendly Disney service, although not quite on par with other Disney resorts. However, it’s still very new and in a unique setting (not surrounded by tried and true examples of Disney hospitality). The beach was wonderful. We were disappointed that its beach rentals were available to the public.
Boohoo… read more before you travel bitch, the beach belong to all Hawaiians and their visitors, not one beach is private…

When I booked the room I requested a King bed room. On check in, they told us they comp’ed us an upgrade to a garden view. When I went to our garden view room, it was 2 queens. Annoying. I went back to the froont desk and they switched us back to a standard room with a King bed. While I appreciate a free upgrade, why would they upgrade to a different room type??
Boohoo… I’d take the freakin’ upgrade and shut the hell up….

I would like it if they had more umbrellas around the lounge chairs, as the sun can get pretty intense. We were eating lunch by the pool one day and my son and nephew were hiding under towels because the sun was too hot. Since it is mostly families with kids here the majority of people are not here sunbathing, as such, it would be nice to have a bit more shade.
Boohoo, who goes to Hawaii to get away from the sun??? Not Canadians, that’s for sure

Our family of 14 have stayed at this Disney Hotel, Aulani, for 5 times. Each time we are there, it’s like its our first time
Boohoo… you’re too rich…

Had breakfast overlooking ocean one morning and would have been great if the family next to us had kept their children from running between tables and interrupting all. Can’t blame Disney for that, even the waitress felt bad!
Boohoo… put your foot out as they run around, problem solved

To our surprise that night, there were two chocolates on the bed and the room had been “night’ serviced. Along with that was a surprise Mickey/Minnie anniversary photo, a handwritten note from the staff, and a chocolate covered strawberry platter with the Aulani logo. Nice touch…I am sure orchestrated by the greeter in the lobby. While I was thrilled by it, it didn’t quite make up for the hours of waiting
Boohoo… people who hate free stuff… please complain about the abundance of breathing air available now…

The first few days we were at Aulani, I was truly amazed and awe-struck. Further in, I just got bored. We are accustomed to going to Disney World where there is a constant itinerary. I purposefully booked this trip, because I wanted barely any itinerary with relaxation. Nine nights was just too long for our family. Yes, we had a car, and we went to Honolulu, the very end of the West Side, and the North Shore. Still, it was too long. I began resenting the resort with its perfect landscape and very rude tourists. I hate feeling like a chump tourist.
Boohoo… poor rich people

With rates starting at more than $450 for a tiny room without a view, the resort is no longer worth it. The aloha spirit has started to leave this place. My family will take our money elsewhere next year when we go on vacation. Bye-bye, Disney Aulani.
Boohoo… more room for me

There are not enough umbrellas and shaded chairs and we could see people with little kids looking frustrated at the lack of seating or even just a place to put their belongings for the day. On a hot day, the situation is just ridiculous and management is not doing anything about it.
Boohoo… Hawaii, sun, heat… who would’ve thunk they’d all mix together

Why is a kid at 10 considered an adult at Disney resorts? My 10 year old will not eat lobster bisque and what not. She wants kids menu options, I’m fine paying an upgrade price from a kids menu for a bigger portion for her, but I am not fine being told she can not order food from the kids menu at the fancier restaurants because she is 10….that is NOT kid friendly.
Boohoo… Any restaurants at any Disney resort will custom make a dish if you ask

The kids character breakfast was fun, she loved it, the entertainment was cute and fun for her. There were only 3 characters there though, we could use more…at least 5 like the other character dining restaurants at the parks.
Boohoo… greedy Character-Whore

They also ran out of autograph books and we had to use a note pad for signatures. They never stocked up the entire week we were there, not sure what the problem is there….shouldn’t there be autograph books right there for purchase by the restaurant?
Boohoo… But there’s only 3 characters? How many freaking pages do you need, Character-Whore

Our best breakfast was at the AMA AMA, but our worst dinner was at the AMA AMA.
Boohoo… make up your mind… was it the best or the worst!!!

They finally seat us at 9:30 when the restaurant was ready to close, there were hardly anyone even left there…. open view tables everywhere and we get a table in the back. We asked to be moved to the table with a view, since we had waited until 9:30 for this table and he said he could not seat us there because he had no servers for those tables. We asked the servers serve us at those tables instead.. and he rudely replies ‘no they will not do that because that is not their table”…we felt like we were in an “Office Space” sequel… we left and ate a room service pizza.
Boohoo… MMMmmm… pizza… You should’ve called the resort manager regarding the guy’s behaviour…

When we called the resort manager regarding this guys behavior and lack of service the resort manager never even called us back.
Boohoo… Oh!

first of all, very confusing when you drive up to hotel. Refillable mug – can only refill out around pool not in hotel. Beds very hard and uncomfortable….if you have a bad back, don’t stay here.
Boohoo… Ok, thirsty bad drivers with bad backs not welcome, got it.

The casual poolside/lagoonside food shacks don’t open until 11am, which is shortsighted. People are at the pools at 8 am and it is already hot, but you can’t get a smoothie or soda until 11.
Boohoo… God forbid you’d exercise your right to walk back to the hotel to get a smoothie

There is not much there and what is there is not great. When they built that big hotel, what were they thinking?
Boohoo… go to your shack then

Everyone complains about not getting a beach chair, so I was concerned about this. People seriously need to calm down. It is not that hard. You really only need one chair to put your stuff on, because we were so busy. We weren’t sitting. If you are worried about this, I would stop.
Boohoo… wait… scratch that, this is good, someone who speaks my language finally