APPEAL

In my new work, I am faced with legal matters constantly. One of the area I help is the Information Desk as I replace the regular person during the breaks and lunch period.

This Information Desk is there solely to greet people as they arrive, found out why they are coming and direct them accordingly. Each guest is given a number with a code letter depending on the reason of their visit. Some want to pay fines, some want to take a ticket to court, some want to see why their license is suspended, some want to see a prosecutor and see if they can plea guilty with an explanation and get a reduced charge, etc. One of the things we do not do at our office is take care of Appeals, these matters can only be heard at Old City Hall, where the courts are located for the downtown area.

Now I’m still new at this function as it is part of the duties I am still being accustomed to. One of the first warnings I received was to always dig further when people said they want an Appeal as they very often do not need it and are just looking for something else, like setting a court date. Of course it is in my nature to get to the bottom of things, it’s almost like they are being cross-examined.

So the other day, a person who wasn’t born in Canada but now lives in Canada, coming from, say, the Far East, landed at my Information Desk asking for an Appeal:

Guest: I need appeal
Me: Sir, may I ask what it’s regarding as we do not hear Appeals at this location
Guest: I need appeal folm
Me: Do you have the ticket the officer gave you, I’ll take a quick look in our system
Guest: no, no ticket, I need appeal (then pointing to a stack of forms to my side), that one
Me: (looking at a possible 25 forms he might have been pointing at, not really getting him) Sir, do you have your driver’s license, I could take a look at your file
Guest: no, no dlivel ricense, appeal, I’m agent, need folm (pointing again this time I see which one he means)
Me: (picking up the form) This one?
Guest: yeah, yeah, this one
Me: Sir, this is not an Appeal form, it’s a Notice of Intention to Appear in court
Guest: yeah, yeah, appeal
Me: (giving form and number coded for court date notices) Next.

Although it’s a word I rarely use myself, it always makes me laugh when I hear it:

RETARD

It’s funny to me, used in any way.

What’s even more amusing though is how people disguise the word in these politically correct times. Recently I was attending a work function and the speaker used “Developly Delayed” to speak of a kid was mentally challenged. It must have looked like I was really paying attention when I started taking notes during his speech, but all I really wanted to do was to write down this impossibly retarded new expression: Developly Delayed… I’m French, I can’t be 100% sure, but isn’t Developly not even a word?

On the other hand, a very intelligent and very beautiful young woman I work with made a silly mistake the other day and referred to herself as a Retardo Barbie, which made me laugh out loud.

If you’re going to make up a word nowadays, Retardo is definitely a winner over Developly.

Your assignment is to use the word RETARD in a comment. If you must call me one, make it funny, I’m developly sensitive.