People continue to amaze me… Some just keep throwing ammunitions at me… when it’s people you like, you can let it go, once, maybe twice before you say something, but when it’s people you already dislike to no end, you just run to your blog and publish it:
Nathalie: C’mon, let’s go, I don’t want to be late!
Cathidiot: You guys go down, I’ll meet you outside, I have to deal with Montezuma…
Me: (Choke!!!)
Should I write this down on the calendar so I’m prepared for this same time in January?
Believe me, I was minding my own business, but people have a way of talking about personal stuff way too loud in public…
So these two girls were talking behind me while I was walking towards the mall on my lunch time:
Girl #1: It happened, I’m totally seeing Sharon now
Girl #2: Huh? What happened to Marina?
Girl #1: Totally dumped her. I mean, I blocked her on facebook, that’s how serious it is…
While working, trying to concentrate on the shitty pile of work pending from the busy Friday before, someone enters the room and turns to my co-worker:
Man: Have you lost weight?
Co-worker: No. I’m the same
Man: You look so skinny, I bet you could go outside in the rain and walk in between the raindrops
During an abnormally busy time when I had 4 or 5 things going at once, someone turned to me and said:
“She was the calmest bitch I every had to deal with. Very calm and yet a total bitch.”
There is this Dollar Store type place nearby my office on Dundas, west of Bay. It’s called Discounts on Dundas, or DOD as I like to call it and I’d have never gone in if it wasn’t for one of my coworkers that found out they sell the Nestle 1.5 litre bottles of water for $1, so after lunch I often stop there for my daily supply.
The owner is a very stern looking man but since I don’t go there for the smiles I’m good with him. I usually have the correct change so he’ll let me get my bottle and drop the coin on his counter without having to wait in line, he’s good that way.
Today, 2 twattish secretary type that dress 20 years younger than they should got in there just before me and were at the cash after I returned from the fridge with my bottle. They were blocking the way and I decided best not to pass them. As they flipped their scraggly frizzy hair around and talked way louder than they should, one noticed a poster advertising Silly Strings for $2.99.
Twat #1: Do you have any cash on you? I just realized I didn’t bring my wallet
Twat #2: Oh yeah, I got cash, how much do you need?
Twat #1: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?
Twat #2: Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
Twat #1: Are you joking? Silly Strings for $2.99?
Owner: (looking at them with an annoyed look with Twat #2 noticing)
Twat #2: (under her breath) No… I don’t think that guy has ever joked in his life!
At World’s Biggest Bookstore, purchasing a documentary about Disneyland And Walt Disney World on DVD:
Sketchy Cashier: Oh! That’s a good one. I almost bought this for myself. I’ve never been to Florida but would love to go.
Me: We’re big fans, we try to go every other years.
Ackward pause while he does things on his computer…
Sketchy Cashier: I hope you remember where you parked.
Me: I walked here, it’s all good.
Sketchy Cashier: No, overthere, they don’t give you anything, you have to remember where you left your car and it’s so big.
Me: When we go, we stay in their properties and use their bus system, it’s quite good.
Sketchy Cashier: Because it’s so big and they don’t give you a ticket or number, you just have to remember.
Me: Nowadays, everyone has a cellphone, you can use it to take a picture of the parking area number.
Sketchy Cashier: Oh yeah, that’s true.
We finally finish our transaction, he wished me a good day. As I walk away, the guy behind me hands the DVD he wants to purchase:
Sketchy Cashier: Oh. That’s a good one. I almost bought it for myself.
I turn around just to be sure that this guy didn’t also buy the exact same DVD I just did, I mean, what a coincidence it would be… No, no. He was paying for his copy of Batman, Under The Red Hood. I think the sketchy cashier should have a bigger repertoire.
At work today, two employees were discussing another employee’s sexuality.
Idiot 1: Do you think he’s gay?
Idiot 2: NO!!! Why would you think that?
Idiot 1: Because… he grew a beard!
There you have it folks. If your dream was to be recognized as a gay person, you no longer have to suck cocks, just grow a beard. God knows it’s why I grew mine.
After a large popcorn and extra-super-duper-movie-large Coke Zero, I really had to run to the washroom at the end of Toy Story 3. When I came out, a mother and daughter came out of the ladies washroom next door:
Mother: Now, it was a good movie and all but we gotta make something clear
Daughter: What?
Mother: It’s not alright to go and beat up on people. I don’t want you to start kicking anyone because it was ok in this movie.
Humm… The Karate Kid was playing in the theatre next to ours.
This morning, dentist’s office, sitting in the chair while the hygienist is half-way through my cleaning. One of the receptionist, whom by the sound of things had been away from the office for a while now, drops by to greet my hygienist…
Hygienist: Oh hi, you’re back!
Receptionist: Yeah, can’t find my grey shoes though… I must have brought them when I took all my shoes home…
Hygienist: Haven’t see them, sorry… Oh, you’re wearing pants today?
Receptionist: Yeah… I can’t wear skirts with that big gash.
Me: “choke”
Hygienist: Oh I know. Is it getting any better?
Receptionist: It’s still very tender.
I really am hoping they were talking about a cut she just suffered…
At work yesterday, while serving an anxious customer:
Me: “There you go. Anything else?”
Customer: “Oh yes, just a copy of this and I swear it’s the last thing and then I’ll be out of your hair”
Coworker: “That’s a funny thing to say to someone who shaves his head?”
