Sharkboy

Summer is coming to an end and I have yet to finish my Summer Memories project…

#03 = Summer of 70′s TV

Summer TV was always a treat as it meant a lot of reruns of shows I loved… I remember shaking with glee when Land of the Giants or Daniel Boone would return to the CBC, or when TVA would show Batman or Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea during their daytime schedules… But nothing could beat the evening schedule when shows like Dragnet or my ultimate beloved Adam 12.

I used to adore that show… Like major crushes on the two stars, Malloy and Reed. I remember getting chips and coca-cola ready to sit in front of the tv, usually in my underwear and never blinking until the first commercial. It wasn’t a sexual thing, I was too young for that, but I had a fascination with both of them. They were handsome AND they wore uniforms… As far as I can remember, this was probably my first crush without knowing it was one…

A couple of weeks ago, they released Adam 12 Season 5 on DVD, which I had to buy right away. I’m already more than halfway through it. I still find them both quite handsome and continue to find Malloy as dreamy as I did, in my pre-teen years… on the couch… in my underwear…

One Adam 12, One Adam 12, report of a 4-15, fight group. With chains and knives.
One Adam 12, One Adam 12, a 2-11 in progress, handle code 3.

I was at my computer, on twitter and shit, listening Dress You Up In My Love by Madonna when noise from the street was getting louder and louder. I stopped the music and took a look. It was the would be mayor of Toronto Kevin Clarke dishing on Rob Ford. It was too good to pass, I recorded a bit:

Here’s the transcript as best I can hear it:

Mr Ford, I want you to come clean, I don’t want to hear about your drunk driving, I don’t want to hear about what happened, What I want to hear from you Mr Ford is i want to hear you say I DID WRONG, I was protected, I did drink and drive and Mr Ford I want to hear you say I went to counsel for it and that we did not hear from you, Mr Ford

Sometimes, you just gotta listen to what the street is telling you…

The other night while watching tv, a feminine fight started on the sidewalk. It was a warm night and all the windows were open. The 3 girls fighting were getting louder and louder to the point that raising the volume on the sound system was not going to cut it… And the girls weren’t moving along either, the screaming match was taking place outside of our windows and was stagnant. The shrills weren’t a thrill. So I looked at DR and Boba Doug and said I’d go take care of it. I got up and walked to the window, took a deep breath and scream at the top of my lungs:

HEY!!! PUT A TAMPON IN IT!!!

That plugged them up.

We went back to watching Connie And Carla in peace.

Me and 1/4 of the loot for sale before the swarming…

Yesterday, with the help of our friend Postbear, we were able to bring 6 full boxes of stuff to sell, 3 boxes were things left unclaimed by family from DR’s dad apartment and 3 boxes were from our own home. DR was to be in charge of any money coming form his dad’s place as it would go back to the Estate, and I was in charge of everything from our stuff.

My number one rule with yard or garage sales is that nothing that is out there can come back in after it’s over. So for that reason, we put the prices very low… A Cuisinart brush metal coffee maker that I paid $129 for and only used about 4 times sold for $10, etc… A lot of the other stuff we had for sale went for $1/ea, then $0.50/ea, then $0.25/ea and then in the last 30 minutes, we put a free sign… there wasn’t much left by then so it was ok…

I must admit I am constantly surprised by the way people act at these type of events… Some are extremely insulting and some are really looking for quality and don’t mind paying for it. For example, around 8:20am when we were moving boxes from the back of the building to the front where we were going to set up, one ass came in the space trying to see what we had and when I told him we’d be ready in 15 minutes or so he replied with: You’re just trying to sell shit no one wants anyway. If he came back, I was going to add $20 to anything he might have wanted… Yes sir, this one is $20.50.. Thanks. To counteract this idiot, a very nice lady saw a little side table we displayed and couldn’t believe we were only asking $10 for it… She snapped it as it was a nice antique in perfect condition, had only been used to hold a telephone for the last years.

We also had to deal with people stealing things… A PC webcam we had for a $1 disappeared while we were busy with other people, the Apple one did sell for a $1 (humm…are Mac people more honest?). One lady decided to buy the 20 Laura Ashley mixed dinner plates for $5 and left with the pile to go put them in her rolly-bag that was on the sidewalk, she then started talking to her friend started walking away without paying when DR tapped her on the shoulder… She apologized profusely but I didn’t buy it one minute… Yeah, white trash in the dirty pink sweatpants, I’m talking about you.

At some point we got swarmed by this east indian family who were all talking at the same time, touching everything they could with their 8 arms of shiva… I went after one and said she needed to pay for all she had in her hands, then she put some back on the mat and hummed and ha-ed about the$1 price for 4 hard placemats that we bought for $30 and only used for a couple of weeks as the colours really didn’t jive with what our kitchen that much. While she looked everywhere for that amazing dollar, DR was busy dealing with the others… and when they were done, a couple of Ikea rubber ice trays had disappeared… Woohoo… I can’t say if it was that family or someone else that sneaked in as I didn’t see it happen, but fuck man… they were there for a quarter each, are you that cheap?

DR trying on some chapeaux

We did share stories with many people though, like the guy who recognized DR’s father from the picture on the cover of the book we displayed and rushed in to chat and buy a copy. Or the lady whose percolator had just croaked and didn’t really want to pay $89 for a new one but loved the one we had at $2. Or how big the eyes would get when we’d mentioned that the $1 pottery pieces were in fact from the Gardner Museum… and how fast they would reach for their wallets. I’d have to say that 95% of the people we talked to, dealt with, bargained with were very nice, it was only a handful of people who were unfortunately crass and annoying.

We went for a walk around lunch time just to get a bite and a little break too. I spotted this amazing 18″ long black panther, very reminiscent of the logo we saw at the movies when the film was restricted… I asked how much, hoping for $5, she said a firm $15. I then sent someone else to see if they could get it down to $5… she said no, $15. Later on as she walked away and her husband took over, I went back and asked if he’d take $5 for it and he said he’d go as low as $10… I now own it:

At the end of the day, the 3 of us shared a really large amount of laughs and that’s what made it worth it… Also the $134 we made is cool too.

Trying to sell ourselves before slashing the prices to $0.00

Yesterday before my 2 coworkers and I left work, we decided that, just for fun, we’d all wear ties. No real reasons at all… I’ve been wearing short and polo shirts or dress shirts all summer long and gotten flack from it from a number of people, so I thought I’d use this experiment to have fun…

Later on in the evening, I texted them both and said I’d be going all preppy on them. Red Lacoste sweater, thin navy/yellow stripped tie, oxford white shirt and navy dress pants. Very school boy. They both texted back that they were down with it and the one girl in the group said she would rock her knee-highs with her kilt. Yeh. Fun.

It didn’t really go as planned. See I was expecting people would ask WHY I was wearing a tie, to which I’d reply either: “I have a very important meeting” or just blurt out “job interview”… I mean, the 3 of us looked the part and I took advantage of my vintage 80′s Lacoste and 80′s thin tie, but no one really asked the right questions… Here’s a sample of what I got and my replies to them:

Man: I’ve never seen you wear so many clothes before
Me: Well, since I’m wearing a tie, I opted for no underwear, so I’m actually wearing the same amount of clothing I always do

Woman: Wow! Look at these new shiny shoes..
Me: These? The same ones I wore all last Winter?

Woman: Are you playing dress up?
Me: Yeah, I’m meeting with Barbie and Ken later on

Man: No one gave me the memo about ties!
Me: Oh sorry… I guess you didn’t fit the “special enough” requirements

Woman: Are you all going to a Catholic school now?
Me: Yes, but we’re skipping classes, they’re teaching Burn The Quran today. Not our thing.

Man: How much did you pay for that sweater? $150?
Me: About that… (I really only paid $1 at a vintage sale this past Summer, was missing a button which I fixed)

Management Man: Why a tie?
Me: I’m applying for your job

Woman: OOOOooooh myyyyy! Excuuuuuuuse me!
Me: Why? Did you just fart?

Woman: Why look at you all dressed up… You’ve just impressed the socks off of me.
Me: (blank!) (I actually liked that one)

Woman: Mmmm… what are you wearing?
Me: Apparently a splash of “surprise” with a hint of “done with this”.

Tomorrow we’re all wearing blue jeans… even if a memo might have circulated this summer that said the particular area the 3 of us work in are not allowed blue jeans… We’re rebels.

Just really love this song… It’s not the best quality and also not the official finished video, but so grooving to this song these days:

I discovered it after purchasing Alicia’s cd because I loved this song so much to begin with:

Haaaaa… that voice…

This morning, after 4 days away from the office, DR and I begrudgingly had breakfast, took our showers, ironed our clothes and started our walk to work. All was going well. I kissed him goodbye at the subway station and continued on my way. Even Starbucks didn’t have a line-up and NO ONE was at the little counter with the milks using all the space, stirring their coffees for 45 seconds, tasting with a loud slurp, putting more sugar in their cup, stirring again, tasting again, all the while their 4 work bags all over the fucking counter… No.. none of that this morning…

Then I got to work and realized I had forgotten my work glasses… Fuckatty-fuck-fuck-fuck. I waited until my 2 coworkers arrived and told them I’d have to walk back home to get my glasses. One of them offered me his bus pass which I happily accepted.

Walking home would have been approximately 20 – 25 minutes. The streetcar without any heavy traffic, maybe 10 – 15 minutes, add the short walk from Dundas to College, maybe another 5 minutes… The only difference is I wouldn’t come back all sweaty from the fast walk…

8:25 am: I left the office and made my way up University Ave to College.
8:31 am: Waiting in front of the subway station for the next streetcar going east.
8:32 am: A woman on her phone, fighting with someone was sincerely getting on my nerves. I popped my gum.
8:39 am: The streetcar arrived. I made my way in flashing my bus pass… Ahah.. Free ride.
8:40 am: Still at the same corner.
8:41 am: Finally, we started to move.
8:49 am: Tweeted about forgetting my glasses.
8:59 am: I looked up, almost at Parliament St where I’d get off. Fuck. I forgot my keys at work.
8:59 am: Tweeted about forgetting my home keys at work.
9:03 am: Tweeted about being abnormally calm after all these mishaps.
9:04 am: I got off at Parliament, crossed the street and waited for the streetcar going back west.
9:09 am: A streetcar arrived. It’s so fucking full, even a crack whore wouldn’t fit in.
9:11 am: Another streetcar arrived, it’s empty. Flashed my bus pass.. Ahah.. Free ride… again.
9:12 AM: Texted my coworker to let him know I had forgotten my keys. Added a few swear words for effect.
9:25 am: I got off at University and walked to the office.
9:32 am: Picked up my keys from my bag.
9:36 am: Walked back to College and University.
9:41 am: Streetcar arrived, busier than the first trip. Flashed my bus pass.. Ahah.. Free ride.. once again.
9:41 am: Tweeted about second streetcar trip, mentioning that streetcar people suck… cause they do.
10:02 am: Arrived home, ran upstairs to pick up glasses. Ran back downstairs as I’d seen a streetcar coming.
10:03 am: Streetcar arrived. So fucking full, even a bulimic crack whore couldn’t fit in.
10:03 am: Ran back upstairs to pee.
10:04 am: Ran back downstairs to wait for streetcar.
10:05 am: Streetcar arrived. Empty. I got in, flashed my bus pass… Free ride.. No longer funny.
10:16 am: At Yonge and College. Announcement from the driver that the streetcar will not continue on College.
10:18 am: Bay and College. Terminus. Everyone had to leave the streetcar.
10:18 am: Walked from Bay/College back to Dundas/University.
10:19 am: Sweat was starting to pour down my back already.
10:33 am: Back at work.
10:33 am: 12 more minutes to enjoy my morning break with some coworkers.

Today, after a long walk, we ended up at the magazine store by Marché at Yonge north of Front St. I didn’t need a magazine though, I really wanted something to drink. While DR was paying, a little commotion was happening on the side. This man with dirty clothes on came to tell the cashier that he wasn’t very happy with the service he was getting, she brushed him off while giving DR his change and told him to leave. Then, out of nowhere, this man, the shop owner, came in and started yelling at him to leave and to put the magazines back and to never come there again. I mean, it’s his store, he can do what he want. I didn’t see how the whole thing started, and frankly, I didn’t care…

As he is “strongly” escorting the man outside his shop, I follow with my drink in hand, trying to remove the cap and take a strong refreshing first sip out of the cold bottle. The owner is shuffling his feet a few step in front of me, all the while, repeating loudly to that same man that he’s not welcomed in that store… I looked down to see why the owner kept making so much noise with his freaking feet to see that he was actually pushing two crumpled napkins off the floor until he finally kicked them out on the sidewalk.

Me: Well, you could have just picked them up instead of throwing them on the street
Him: He threw them on the floor.
Me: As far as I’m concerned, you’re not any better than him.
Him: Mind your business.
Me: It is my business when you kick thrash on the street. The world is not your garbage can.
Him: I didn’t want to touch it.
Me: It’s your store, keep a pair of plastic gloves to pick this up and throw it in the garbage OR make him pick it up if you see him throw it on the floor.
DR: I’m sorry I bought these drinks here. I’m never giving you any money
Me: You’re seriously no better than that man you threw out of your store
Him: Ok. You made your point. (looking away in the distance)
Me: Seriously no better.

Then our friend Doug made his way out with his purchase and we left. If I would’ve seen that man with the dirty clothes up the street, I would’ve asked him what magazine he wanted to buy and would’ve have gotten it for him at another store. I was that steamed by this malicious shop owner.

Fortress Of Solitude, SharkBoy, DeadRobot, Doug and Grove of Blue

Yesterday we all decided to go to the CNE, our city’s national exhibition… sort of a county fair if you will. I should really say, us and the rest of the province… It was really busy. It was the last weekend, it was the air show, it was cold and rainy the day before, all factors to bring more people on that last Sunday.

The CNE isn’t a place I have to go every year, I can skip a few years between visits as nothing really changes. In the past, they used to have major concerts and special events, now it’s just turned into a place to hack As Seen On TV products and bad rides that just look unsafe. Still, I like to think of it as a study in urban anthropology… Not a pretty one.

The big draw this year, what all the media was talking about prior to the CNE opening 2 weeks ago was that they’d be selling Deep Fried Butterballs… Apparently, the big musical groups that were selling tickets in the 50′s, 60′s, 70′s and 80′s have now been replaced by deep fried food… Of course, when in Rome:

Mine had strawberry sauce on it

It was ok, it tasted very much like a croissant… not as disgusting as it sounded.

After this little snack and fighting our way through the crowd, we were hungry. That’s when I discovered this novelty:

Yes… It exists!

Again, surprisingly tasty, but couldn’t finish the 4 big balls of greased up pasta… ketchup made it better.

We visited the farm, the history of rock’n roll exhibit, the sand sculptures, the Canadian Army exhibit and worked up an appetite for dessert:

I chose wisely: Mars bar.

I don’t know why I kept being surprised that all these deep fried goodness actually tasted good. We all looked like coke whores after the powdered sugar ended up all over our beards and clothes.

We decided to walk through the midway and look at the scary rides… I only say scary because I could never bring myself to go on any rides that are not permanently built.. I half expected to see the ferris wheel start crushing people as it rolled off the fairground, or see the people on top of the Crazy Mouse miss that first curve and end up on the deep fried butterball stand. I saw people riding with they hands covering their eyes, screaming at the first shake of the cart they had just got in, yelling at the sight of the carny pushing them in their seats… A true experience in terror… No siree, not for me…

We went to look at the Arts and Crafts building. Always an interesting exhibit. Some dude selling sparkling jewelery was wearing a low cut t-shirt to display a huge woman’s fake ruby necklace, a crazy cat lady hacking all sorts of hideous t-shirts and tea cozies that only shut-ins would really want. We saw a set of shark jaws that I needed but didn’t buy, I watched Destroy All Monsters on a small tv screen and amidst all the huge crowd, we came to a stop when 4 people on wheelchairs decided to cut through the traffic, all holding each other chairs as the first one was motorized. A sort of train if you will… As they cut right in front of me, I lowered my arm like a gate at a roadway crossing and made train sound: “Choo Chooooo!” The last guy in the chain-gang fired me a look. I gave him one of mine and I think his wheels caught fire.

All that excitement got me hungry for dinner:

Foot Long Corn Dog Goodness.

That is the one-must item for me every time I visit the CNE… I don’t eat corn dogs any other place than those type of fairs. It’s a nostalgic food item, it reminds me of spending the summers at the beach, having lunch at the hot-dog/hamburger stand, having corn dogs, fresh cut fries and Orange Crush… Thank you CNE for bringing back some good memories.

After all that grease, my stomach started to feel like it was time to go home… and we left… wobbling.

Leaving through the gorgeous Prince’s Gates.

I’m good for a few years now… unless they come up with a brand new fried food I must try next year.

A few more pictures on my Flickr account…