Last week, DR was being honoured for reaching 5 years of volunteering with Casey House, an organization providing care for people living with and affected by HIV/AIDS. It’s a great organization I know well having spent many Saturdays rehearsing to perform in 2 of their fundraisers shows in the past years. When DR told me it would cost me $30 to attend the ceremony, I immediately declined. I’m cheap, I know. It’s a personal thing. I offered he invited his dad to go with him and I’d pay for his ticket. It was only after all the arrangements were made that we found out the spouse or guest of the honouree gets to attend for free. DR and Da had a nice dinner, nice evening together and DR received extremely nice accolades from the organization. I felt like a bad husband for not attending, but it was a knee jerk reaction to what seems to be an ugly trend: charging $$$ to attend a personal event.
Let me explain.
In the past, a company would host an event for staff and their spouse or guest would be invited just the same at no cost. I remember working for Paramount Parks and having the best lavish parties where even hotel rooms were included in the invitation so we wouldn’t drive home after drinking. These times are over. A few years back, another company I had gone to work for hosted a Christmas party where the guest would have to pay $25 to attend. Why would I make my partner at the time pay this money to have the privilege to sit with a bunch of people I work with and don’t really like in the first place? For free, I’m sure he’ll endure it, for $25 dollars, in my opition, it adds insult to injury. From that day on, I have decided not to attend company functions if one or both have to pay a dime. Now that I work for the City, it’s obvious that there are no company sponsored parties, the outcry from tax payers would be unimaginable. For that reason, if we host a party, every one must pay their share. I don’t attend any functions for two reason: 1. I’m cheap, 2. I don’t like people I work with enough to spend time with them after office hours.
Lately, the ugly trend has continued in a more personal matter. Years ago, my sister really wanted to get both my father’s and my mother’s aging families together. This meant over 120 people converging together in one location. Of course, my parent’s house was not big enough and we had to rent a hall. It made total sense to charge a fee to those attending as dinner and entertainment would be provided. Most people did come and I gladly paid to attend myself as well.. How else were we all going to get together one fun night otherwise. Many tales were recounted that night, many couples danced the cha-cha-cha, many laughs were heard. It was money well spent.
Unfortunately, this event created a monster. After the success of that night, some distant family members might have seen this as a good way of making an easy dollar. A cousin decided to charge $$$ for family to attend a surprise birthday party for her father, money going to rental of a hall and for food. Food that was quickly wrapped and taken away after people stopped eating. Food that also got wasted as it spent the night in the backseat of a car in February’s weather in Quebec… I didn’t attend that event by choice. I knew this crowd could’ve easily been contained in one’s house without any fees charged. All I know is that I’ve celebrated many birthdays without ever charging anything for anyone and making sure they were well fed and had a good time. It will always continue that way.
Recently I was made aware of two other events in my distant family where we are asked to pay to attend, one is a wedding where my cousin is charging $60 per person, but luckily he’s asking that no one brings gift (really??? because the fucking mint he’ll make on this night should really be enough) and another is a birthday party for another cousin where they are asking for a $25 fee, a catered meal will be served.
What ever happened to hosting a party in your house, where you serve some food and drinks and people just come because they want to be there to share the event with you? DR and I have had some serious shindigs in here where food and alcohol was a plenty and we’d never think of charging a penny for it. We do it because we love and want to be with the family and friends that will be attending, we do it for our own pleasure. This is also true for my friends here in the city, I’ve never been charged to attend parties hosted in their homes.
In August, DR and I will be traveling to Vermont to attend my sister’s 50th birthday. There will be lots of food, lots of dancing, lots of family and no one is being charge a cent. Because so many people are coming, they cannot host it in their house, they are renting a hall and paying for it. The rental comes with the stipulation that people will have to buy their drinks through the hall’s bar, it’s only fair and I know I’ll enjoy a few beverage, not less that if they were served for free at their house. Already one of my cousin’s has said that she’d bring her own booze and leave it in the car to go get her refills as needed… the same person that will pay $25 to attend another cousin’s birthday and think nothing of it.
