Sharkboy

Yeah, it’s only Tuesday, but I’m having one of those weeks where you keep shaking your head and ask What The Fuck???

I have been helping out on and off at a remote location for the last 4 months, a smaller office that mostly accept payments for people wanting to pay their court fines. It’s monotonous but because of all the people you see, it’s certainly never boring… Of course, it’s a little bit more involved than taking money… but still, now that our office will no longer be responsible for that particular location, I was asked to train some of the people that will take over… IN ONE FUCKING DAY ONLY!!! WTF??? So they expect me to teach everything I’ve learn in the last 3 years in just one day… Either they think I’m a genius teacher or they think the people taking over REALLY know this job well and just need a refresher… None of these two options are true… So I trained someone that knows part of the software we use, that’s never worked with the public, that’s never handled cash, that’s never been yelled at by some fucking jerk that’s not happy with his life, that’s never had to deal with some crazy dumb-ass idiot that is crying because she needs a divorce… Yeah, I’d be surprised too if that person came back… Of course, the one day training has now evolved into a 3 day training…

When I was getting my coffee this morning, waiting in line to be served, I saw this guy come outside, light a cigarette and continuously look at his reflection in the window while he smoked, fixing his ultra gelled hair, taking a cigarette puff, fixing his glasses, taking a cigarette puff, pulling on his shirt, taking a cigarette puff, answering his cell phone, still looking at his hair, taking a cigarette puff… seriously, WTF???

I came in to work a tad earlier yesterday, before the employees’ door unlocked… I saw a lady waiting there with a fairly heavy looking laptop bag… She said: “Oh thank god, I have my pass but it’s at the bottom of my bag and I really can’t fish it out right now”… So I open the door with my pass and she goes right in front of me to enter… There is a security guard posted right there, I flashed my pass on go inside but he stops her: “Do you work here”, she goes: “yes”, he says: “ok, I’ll need to see you employee card”, she goes: “but it’s at the bottom of my bag”, he goes: “You’ll need to get it, I don’t know you”. All angry like and full of ‘tude, she goes: “Fine!!! But I’m using your desk to put my bag on it”… I looked at the guard just in time to see him roll his eyes… I waved in sympathy all the while thinking WTF lady!!!

There was a lady in handcuffs being escorted from the elevator to a holding cell by a lady officer… I don’t know about you but if I was in handcuffs being paraded around tons of strangers, I’d just shut the fuck up… but not her, she asked the lady officer: “where did you get your man shoes?” and started to laugh out loud… WTF???

There was someone walking in front of me on my way to work this morning and I couldn’t get my head around why she was carrying 5 bags… One purse, one lunch bag, one tote bag, one plastic bag you get at a grocery store and one gym type bag… Really??? WTF is up with that… Couldn’t that be condensed into one or maybe two bags??? How much shit does one need to carry to go to work anyway!!!

I was walking back to work after lunch. I started crossing the street when the light turned green for pedestrian and this large-ass lady on a bicycle was coming towards the corner but on the opposite direction… She stopped right in front of me, blocking the last 2 feet I had to walk to get on the sidewalk, making me walk around her… I just looked at her while she was trying to ignore me and said out loud: “WHAT THE FUCK!!!”. Turned out she was very successful in ignoring me, she didn’t apologize or said anything at all, not ever a look…

But it could really be worse, I could have this man’s job, a serious WTF one if you ask me:

Philip was hugging the branch he was lying on, his eyes were shut and tears were streaming out.

Allan was hiding under a few large rocks, sweat beads rolling of his forehead. His eyes were wide open in the dark space trying to notice anything that would move. He sure wasn’t going to move for awhile just yet.

John was running. Just running. He knew something was running after him too, he could hear it, he could feel it, he could smell it… Whatever was behind him, and he was way too scared to even look, it was gaining on him. All of a sudden, this man holding a gun in one hand and a lit stick of dynamite in the other jumped in front of him and told him to get down on the ground. He closed his eyes as the dynamite that flew over his head and exploded. He then distinctly heard 4 gun shots. Then there was calm. He opened his eyes and looked at the handsome adventurer standing in front of him, a sassy blond in tight clothes standing by his side.

That really bad Indiana Jones imitation: Allan Quatermain and Sharon Stone’s character from that atrocious movie King Solomon’s Mine had just destroyed the beast that had killed Carl.

Later on that night when Philip, our own Allan and John were sitting at the hotel trying to relive the day’s action, drinks in hands, Philip started to laugh. A good hearty laugh. His friends asked what was so funny. He replied: “Well, that fortune teller was wrong after all, 3 of us survived.”

Epilogue
If I had to live through that really super bad movie, the least I could do, since I couldn’t make you watch it, was make you read a really bad story. Ah.

For more fun on this, please go read Sean’s review on The Split Diopter. I’m sure you’ll laugh as much as DR and I did… just don’t do like me and go buy the movie to see just how bad it really is, take Sean’s word for it…

Can’t wait to ride it:

Yesterday, late afternoon, at work. The waiting room is full. It’s standing room only. I just finished serving a customer and am entering the information in the database. Someone comes to my window and asks:

Guy: Excuse me, are you working?
Me: Does it look like I’m having fun?
Guy: No
Me: Then yes, I’m working.

This has nothing to do with Easter, I just felt like playing some scary water slide stuff. And I scream like that every time I go down that particular slide at Blizzard Beach…