Sharkboy

I’m sad to add French Canadian in the arrogant, rude and ugly people to the New Jersey Group…. Oh la la… I didn’t know my “own kin” would be so embarrassing and such a bunch of cry babies and complainers…

You really can’t beat a vacation in the Carribean at this time of the year. but there are some fat nasty old people from New Jersey that will try to kill any fun you might have in mind:

Thank god for the amazing couple from Michigan we’ve met.

Lots of great food, lots of great drinks and (finally) lots of sun.

Day 6 of 12 – We’re in St Maartens (French keyboqrd1)

I just know one day there will be a video of me freaking out on some moron that just caused my head to explode with their stupidity… but in the meantime, enjoy this:

I have 2 more traditions I forgot to mention in my earlier post:

From the time of the last trip, we start saving our coins, especially pennies, nickels and dimes, and a couple of days prior to leaving, we go and cash them in and that’s usually enough money to pay for the taxi or limo we use to get to the airport.

The last one, and that’s a really fun one for me, is on the eve of the departure, I pack my suitcase. I’ll put on a concert DVD or a “video’s greatest hits” on DVD of any singer or group and play that while I meticulously start putting all my clothes in the suitcase as per the list of clothes I’ll need. Depending on the length of the trip or the amount of ironing, this can take an hour or two… And, also, depending on how early I have to get going in the morning, I might just brush my teeth right after I’m done packing and go to bed dreaming of the sunshine that’s about to come my way…

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why OH WHY OH WHY oh why oh why oh why… oh why can’t people walk in a straight line anymore?

And I’m not even referring to the ones that are sexting or reading as they make their way to work, I’m talking about the other ones who are simply going about their business but can’t seem to be able to continue in just one direction: straight ahead. I’ll understand that all the people don’t have to walk at the same speed, but good lord in heavens above, why do I very often feel that people are “attracted” to the space right in front of me, like some magnetic field I have that collects idiots and sets them right smack in my way. Worst of all, if I try to pass them to the right, they go in that direction or if I try to the left, then that’s where they also need to go.

This often results in me uttering some niceties such as: “fucking moron” or “stupid slut” or “fucking slut that’s also a stupid moron” or “fat something”… Fat something always makes me feel thinner, thus better.

And then I get my coffee and all is good.

Ok, I’ll be the first one to admit that I never went to English school and maybe I shouldn’t have such a strong opinion, English is my second language after all. I am self-taught. I learned English from reading, watching TV, movies, hanging out more and more with English people when I was younger, then moving to an English province and city and finally working and living in English. I make lots of mistakes, but I can carry a conversation or write a story without repeating the same god-damned fucking words over and over again.

This morning, while in a line up for my coffee, I was forced to listen to the self-indulging diatribe of a young woman to her uninterested female friend:

Girl 1: So he was like you shouldn’t have said that, and I was like well I did so he was like why did you feel you had to do this and I was like she needed to know and he was like that’s your opinion I don’t think she needed to know and I was like if he’s cheating on her she should know and he was like maybe he was just seeing what else was out there you have no proof he was cheating on her because you saw him talking to someone else in a bar and I was like HE WAS KISSSSSSSSSSING HERRRRRRR!

Girl 2: (looking at the food on the counter, dazing away, not really listening)

Girl 1: So he was like he probably had too much to drink and I was like well he shouldn’t have kissed her and Tracey needed to know and he was like she wasn’t even there, she knew he was going out with his friends and I was like…

Barista: How can I help you?

Me: Venti Mild and 2 aspirins (with my eyes rolling to point at the airhead behind me)

On my quick walk to the office following this, I couldn’t help but wonder why young people today cannot tell a story anymore without sounding like idiots and repeating the same thing over and over… I understood the gest of it, she wanted to tell this girl the guy had kissed another girl but did we really have to suffer through the “and I was like and he was like and I was like and he was like and I was like and he was like and I…..”? What’s happened to English? Have American movies and tv shows really made the younger generation that way or have they just become lazy “raconteurs”.

Through the years, since my first big trip on an airplane, I have developed some little traditions that I like to keep prior to a nice vacation.

Depending on the trip of course, those traditions vary. Let’s say I was going to Disney World, I would NEED to buy a new pair of running shoes that would be worn for the first time on Disney soil… well, maybe I’d put them on at home prior to taking the plane or something, but for sure, in the course of the first 12 hours of being worn, they would touch sacred Disney ground and then upon returning home, I’d continue to wear them and spread a little bit of the Disney magic onto the Toronto sidewalks as I’d go on my everyday life…

If we’re going on a cruise, I then NEED to buy new dress shoes for all the nice outfits we wear at dinners and stuff. Upon returning home, I continue wearing them at the office and bring some of the fun Caribbean sunshine to work.

For a cruise, I will also buy a new cologne… this time I opted for Puma Create… couldn’t resist that fun bottle. And the scent is ok too…

For any trip, I buy a brand new tooth brush for the travel kit, even if the one that was in there was only used for one week. A tooth brush per trip is my motto.

Also, for every trip, I buy brand new underwear, one pair for every day that I am gone + one extra in case. I do the same thing for socks, dress socks or sport socks, too…

This year, because of the asshole that tried blowing up a plane on Christmas day, I had to go and buy a new “carry on” bag for the flights as the one I have used for the last 15 years is now too “big” as per the airline’s new policies. So off we went on the search for the perfect back to carry our trip documents (airplane tickets, hotel confirmations, limo service confirmation, embarkation document for the cruise, luggage tags for the cruise), a book, a magazine, a camera, an indispensable iPhone, a pen, gum and candies. After looking at all the obvious places like luggage stores, department stores, ladies purses stores, we decided to check an army surplus place that sells all sorts of bags. It turned out to be the perfect place as I found exactly what I was looking for. I bought this great WWII leather document carrier bag that some soldiers would use to, well, carry documents:

New carry-on bag. I wonder what special documents were transported in it…

I couldn’t resist putting my Graceland pen in it, I’ll need this to fill out Customs’ forms.

Our last trip tradition is to buy a little something for GeorgeHamilton, and now BillyDeeWilliams too. This year, they are getting their own Camo-Kitty-Tent… Lucky guys.

Having fun with RuPaul’s Dragulator:

And to scare you even more:

What’s your Dragulator?

In my quest to all things Disney, I’ve been buying and watching a lot of their movies in the last few years, and lately especially, I have been enjoying all the live-action movies that the studio made in the 50′s and 60′s.

I’ve rediscovered Dean Jones while watching That Darn Cat, Blackbeard’s Ghost and The Ugly Dachshund, which led to buying The Horse In The Grey Flannel Suit and The Million Dollar Duck. I guess most recognizable hit with Disney will remain The Love Bug though.

Tonight, just by fluke, I found this little gem of his, recording the score for Company and singing his little heart out on Being Alive… The man is golden.