I’ll admit it, I’m very quick at throwing the swear words around when frustrated or mad… If I go with “fuck this” or “fuck that”, it usually mean I’m mildly annoyed, but look out if you hear me throw the “JEEEESUS FUCKING CHRRRRIST”, this usually means I’m really getting frustrated with something or someone.

But swearing in English is so boring. Fuck or Shit. That’s it. That’s the extent of swearing. So when I pass the level of frustration shown above, I’ll easily switch to French and can then go on and on and on without repeating myself. For some reason, swearing can sort of calm me down and in French, it’s almost an art form.

Ok, here’s an example:

I’m at home, in Toronto with DR, I’m sewing my Halloween costume, it’s the last big stitch and something goes wrong:

Me: FUCK!
DR: What’s wrong?
Me: The fucking fabric got caught in the shitty machine again.

Now, same situation but let’s say I’m visiting my mom in Quebec, my sister is also visiting:

Me: Câlice de christ de chienne de sacrament d’ciboire d’hostie d’tabarnak de putain de viarge de calvaire de baptême de vache de maudite marde (insert breath) d’écoeuranterie!!!
Syl: Qu’est-ce qu’y a?
Me: Le tabarnak de tissue c’est encore pris dans la sacrament de chienne de machine une autre ostie de fois. Calice qu’a m’fait chier la ciboire de maudite vache de machine en marde.

See? Much more colourful, even if you don’t understand a word that was said, you know by the amount of words I used just how freaking mad I am.

But I didn’t always swear like a banshee… When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to swear, it’s a right of passage you are given as an adult. When I was 5 years old, one Saturday morning around 6am, I remember shaking my mom’s shoulder while she was still sleeping and when she opened her eyes wondering what was wrong, I simply asked if I could get permission to use the word “maudit” (damn in English). I don’t remember all the details that followed, but let’s just say I was sitting on the couch watching cartoons super quickly after that while my mom tried to get some more needed sleep before opening the store 2 hours later. And I didn’t get permission to swear.

When I was about 7, while playing in the sand with toy cars with a few of my cousins, one of them decided to destroy some of my roads, just for fun… so I did the same to him… then sand was flying from every side and all of a sudden the two of us are throwing punches at each other and my mouth is going: “tabarnak de chien d’ostie de tapette de frais-chier de calice de ciboire de…” I couldn’t finish my string of swear, my aunt pulled me up by the hair and sent me inside the house where I was to calm down in one of the bedrooms. I was the one being punished while the other one got to stay outside even though he totally started the whole thing. See, I was caught swearing like a mad man and needed a time out. Of course my parents were told about it. Of course I was punished and grounded.

I’ve learned not to swear in front of adults as I was growing up… some people sneaked cigarettes, I sneaked swears.

Nowadays, after working with the public for so long, I can manage my outburst, but watch out when I know I can let go, depending on where I am and just how mad I am, it can be quite colourful

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