Sharkboy

It’s not secret I love the Pet Shop Boys. Everytime they come out with a new cd, no questions asked I buy it, I don’t need to sample it, I know I will love it. In fact, I’ve never been dissapointed. Often, after a couple of listens, there is always one song that haunts me in a good way… on their last cd, Fundamental, I was strucked by NUMB after a few times hearing it became my favourite, and on their latest cd, Yes, I’m so stuck on this one:

It’s so full of hope and right now it reminds me of a friend who is going through a very tough time that only time will heal… I’m sending him good vibes with the hopes that the lyrics in this song will help convey the ideas I was eloquent enough to do myself.

And the list goes on, and for some weird reason, a lot of stupid things were heard at Epcot that week, I guess being such a large park, with so many guests, the risks are higher you’ll run into an idiot

#4
While walking around World Showcase, just entering the United Kingdom area, we start hearing the crazy antics of Off Kilters, the rock-celtic type band playing the outdoor stage of the Canadian pavillion. All of a sudden this fat housewife shrieks: “Miiiiiiike. Miiiiiiiiiiiike, the bagpipes” to which the fat husband nonchalantely replied: “Yeah, yeah” and goes back to what he was doing, drinking a pint. Unhappy with this, the fat housewife goes on: “Miiiiiiiiiike, Miiiiiiiiiike, I’m going to the bagpipes” and again, very matter-of-factly the fat husband replied in between sips of his Guiness: “Yeah, yeah”.

How dare she want to do something while there is still foam in his pint.

#3
While taking in Turtle Talk With Crush at The Seas pavilion, Crush started asking questions to the little guys in the front row. By the way, if you’ve never seen this attraction, do yourself a favour and go at least once, we’ve laughed so much everytime we’ve been. But back to our story, Crush is taking in questions from the tykes and answers as best he can using his surfer-dude dialect. After raising his hand many times and being ignored, Crush finally chooses him. The host runs to his side and gives him the microphone. Without hesitating one second, the tyke asks: “Where do turtles go to the bathroom?”. The crowd exploded in laughter and Crush’s expression was one of surprise, he then swan behind rocks and only with his eyes showing above the rocks, we suddenly saw bubbles coming up behind him… after a little bit, he returned to the forefront and exclaimed: “That’s where turtles go to the bathroom”.

Worth the price of admission right there and then.

#2
After a long day, we were tired and were debatting if we should stay to watch Illuminations, the Epcot fireworks extravaganza. The dark clouds of stormy weather were looming around helping us with our decision to start walking back slowly towards the exit gates and keeping our eyes on the fiery display. We’re sort of walking 5 steps, then stop, turn around to watch a bit, then walking a bit more, then stop, turn around to watch a bit, you know how that goes. All of a sudden, the big mighty Globe situated in the middle of the lagoon becomes alive pretty much at the same time as the thunder sounded horribly close. A young child holding his mother’s hand exploded in scream, scared of the thunder and wouldn’t have any of it anymore. The mother trying to reassure him stupidly said: “But look baby, the globe is… showy”. We were pretty much running by then, trying to avoid a huge soaking. I’m not sure how this globe was supposed to calm the child down, but I guess it’s a secret between mothers and children.

Sometimes, mothers should listen to their children and get the hell out of there when lightning and thunder comes.

And finally, #1
Again, at World Showcase, this time in France while trying to get a glimpse at the delicious desserts at the Boulangerie Patisserie café, the guy in front of us picks up his cell phone which started to ring: “Bonjour” then nothing. So then he tried in his mother tongue: “Hello? Yeah we’re in France that’s why I said bonjour. Ok, just meet us here. Yeah. Noooo. Just walk to the lake, then turn right. If you’re facing the lake you just turn right. Yeah. You’ll pass Canada, then “English”, then, there’s a bridge. Yes, pass the bridge. Then it’s France, we’re right there.”

Huh, dude, the French pavilion is mighty large, you might want to tell him what restaurant in France you are about to stuff yourself? Oh and can you ask him to pick me up one of them gorgeous flags from the country of English? Thanks. Au revoir. That’s French for you’re a fucktard.

Let’s continue this list, shall we:

#7
Outside the Magic Kindgom gates, walking back to the bus terminal, exhausted from a long day of running from attractions to attractions, we suddenly hear this loud command behind us: “GET THE BUS, GEEEEEETTTTT THE BUUUUUUUSSSSSSSS”. Not too sure who the heavy smoker was ordering around, we turned to see, and this rather plump short ashtray-blond haired fat ass chick is yelling at her 6 year old to go run and, I don’t know, maybe jump in front of the bus to stop it from leaving before she could manage to blubber her way inside it? We all looked at each other, such an un-Disney moment, and then she yelled some more: “GO. GO. GO. GO. GOOOOOOOO. HURRRY. GET THE BUS.”

Poor kid, he’s in the nicest place on Earth for a 6 year old and yet he will have to bare the scars of this humiliation for life… of course, our laughing in unison probably didn’t help

#6
Regardless of the Disney park design, you will have a fairly good walk to the bus terminal taking you to your hotel when you are ready to leave. Sometimes, while walking, you can see in the distance that the bus you want is already there, almost ready to leave and it might make you want to run for it… The four of us were leaving Epcot one afternoon with plans of visiting another wonder from the World and were merrily making our way down the path when all of a sudden, two teenagers ran past us, then without care almost knocked a couple out of their way, then zig zagged full speed within the crowd. They suddenly came face to face with one of the Cast Member working that area who promptly put his hand up motioning them to stop at once and said: “Slow down boys. No running. This is a walkway, not a runway.”

Of course, it became our favourite thing to remind everyone everytime we made our way to any transportation terminal.

#5
Half way through the trip, we decided to stay until closure at Magic Kingdom and enjoy Wishes, their fireworks extravaganza. It such a powerful show that you must see it at least once during the vacation if not more. Problem is that EVERYONE exits the park right after and you just know the bus line-up is going to be murder… but it’s Disney and you will do it regardless. So that night, we made our way to the terminal with the crowd, noticed that the line up was probably 250 people deep for our hotel and without being too discouraged, started waiting. One bus came and went. Another one arrived a few minutes later and left promptly after. Then another one arrived, one that we might just be able to sqeeze into? Nah, almost though. We were now right in line to be the 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th sleepy heads in the next bus. All of a sudden, this large southern loud mouth tight-clothed woman walked to the front of the line and stood there while the rest of her family went and waited in the line up with the rest of the normal people. And then, talking over everyone’s head to her husband and children at back of the line, she loudly exclaimed: “I don’t care! I’m waiting here! I don’t want to wait in this snaky line up, I want to smoke! I’ll smoke right here!”. We immediately figured out she wasn’t going to cut in front of everyone, so we stopped paying her any attention. Got it, you’re a cow… now shut up please. But oh no, she continued on with her annoying voice, making sure people looked at her. And then she went: “Good lord, I must be sexy, everyone’s looking at me”.

Yeah, that’s it. That’s exactly why everyone is looking at you. It’s not for your lack of class or dietary control, it’s because you’re fucking sexy. I gave her one final glance as the bus pulled away and mouthed: “Good night fucktard”.

But seriously, if you’re going to shell out money to troll yourself around Disney World, you should expect a few things: large crowds at time and you should definitely expect that if you happen to miss your bus for whatever fat reason, there will be another one in seconds, no need to be bringing the loud drama with you. Buses area were actually one of the very few places where I was made aware of such low class within the World’s gates. It saddens me… and then I guffaw again thinking of all the blog material these fucktards are giving me.

Most of you already know that I love all things Disney, so recounting how much I loved our last trip would just be boring because it would be like, oh we did this, loved it, then we ate there, loved it, then we walked there, loved it, then we shopped over there, loved it, then we rode this, loved it, then we bought this, loved it, then we saw this, loved it, then this person gave us excellent customer service, loved it, then… blah, blah, blah… you know we did it, you know we loved it. End of story, goodnight, I said goodnight!

But what struck me a bit funny this time around, is that halfway through the trip, I started noticing that there was a lot of fucktards in the parks… and although funny at the beginning, it slowly became blog material, and not having a great memory for this, I enlisted my nephew to note some of them on his cell, or I’d use my camera to record a video of myself recounting an event, and so on…

We were there for 10 Days, so I thought it would work out well to do a Top 10 list of stupidity while inside the Disney walls. Here goes:

# 10
At Animal Kingdom, while walking and enjoying ourselves in between attractions, this fucktard with a park map in hand stopped a cast member and loudly asked: “What’s in Dino Land?”

I mean, come on, you paid $75 for the day and you have no idea what the hell is in this park, you didn’t spend 2 minutes reading the listing of attractions? Do you even know you’re in Florida?

# 9
At Epcot, while walking and enjoying ourselves in between attractions, this fucktard looking in the distance loudly exlaimed to his friends: “Hey look overthere, they have an Odysseyumise (I can’t even write what the hell he actually said, it’s not even a word, I swear). His friend looked in the direction where fucktard was pointing and said: “That’s Odyssey”. Fucktard quickly dismissed him by adding: “Well, you know I can’t see that far”

If I was God, I’d give this fucktard the gift of sight and remove the gift of voice…

The Odyssey is a restaurant that has now been closed for quite a while but they still use the location during certain seasonal events at Epcot like the Food and Wine Festival in the Fall.

# 8
At Disney’s Hollywood Studios, while walking and enjoying ourselves between attractions, in fact almost right in front of Star Tours, a heavily themed Star Wars attraction, a weird looking fucktard with a park map in hand stopped DR and I to ask: “Are there any rides at Hollywood Studios?”

I honestly really wanted to say no, there was nothing to do here, just a nice place for an afternoon walk, that everything she saw around was fake… but I think she managed to stun us enough, that I started naming rides and their locations and their wait time and their cast members’ names and their zodiac signs and their original hometowns and their mother’s names and… Fuck man, c’mon, if you got a free trip and you don’t care about the place, stay home and let a real fan enjoy the sights in your place… Are there any rides at Hollywood Studios… I mean, those blood curling screama you hear from that old abandon hotel overthere are real, they’re not piped in to give ambiance…

Stay tuned for more to come soon…

Disney World and Disneyland have so many different portals to transport you into worlds where reality is put to the side. Worlds where you can dream, worlds where you can explore, worlds where you can live a life of fantasy imagined in books or films. Whatever world you choose to explore, you will not be bored, unless you are a loser, and if you are a loser I immediately turn you into a frog and you can’t continue reading this blog because, well, frogs don’t read, unless they are in a Disney world where frogs know things aren’t boring there…

Being joined by Syl and Shaun, my sister and my favourite nephew, we knew we’d have a great time… I could recount the fun rides, great show, amazing food (Disney is much more than burgers and fries), delicious treats, crying children, but I won’t… I’ll recount in different post other things I love about this land of fun…

Hats are very important at Disney World, the sun is mighty hot and burny, you need one or a shitload of sunscreen. I prefer a trusty hat. Here we are on a typical day, hats on:

But what happens if you lose your hat??? No one wants to plaster an inch thick of Coppertone from ear to ear. So you go shopping for one. We took time out of our busy schedule to model some:
(click to embiggen)

It seems to be a tradition in our trips that we try hats and take pictures and laugh, forgetting easily how many other people have done the same thing before us… but it is Disney World after all, not Universal Studios, we don’t worry about that… plus DR and I don’t really have hair for bugs to grab on to… Sorry Syl and Shaun!

To our surprise, we sometimes see people in the background looking at us not really getting it. Anyone remember this gem?:

What do you do on the last day of your vacation, when you’ve already had an amazing time?

Well, it’s simple, you try to revisit the whole thing in one day of course.

We got up early and had breakfast, jumped in the car and drove to:

We walked around a bit, did some last minute Hollywood Studios shopping, you never have enough. Then we jumped back in the car and drove to:

We had missed the Maharajah Trail, so we took this opportunity to go see the gorgeous tigers and giant bats. We then took the car back to the hotel and jumped on the bus to:

We walked around a bit, took some pictures, felt the joy and then jumped on the monorail to:

We had to ride Spaceship Earth one more time and re-do the whole video section at the end of the ride. DR filmed it, expect a world premiere on his site soon.

Can you believe that after that, we managed to go to Downtown Disney and literally drain the little bit of energy we still had left? It was too much, too busy, my patience had reach critical level, so we got back to the hotel, ordered a large pizza and finish the vacation in our underwear, in bed, watching some cheezy TV… Ole!

Thing is I’d do it all over again in a second.

I’m working on a few Disney trip post coming up with more pictures. Stay tuned.

Not wanting to face too much reality and needing more Disney magic, we decided to go see UP in 3D tonight and what a good decision that was.

I don’t think I’ve ever cried within the first 4 minutes of a movie before. Maybe I’m just too sad to be back in Toronto, maybe they just did a real amazing job with the movie. Regardless, go see this movie and bring 3 or 4 tissues. At least.

Here’s another reason why I’m glad I grew up in the 80′s:

Someone once said to me that all I could make was Sheppard’s Pie and Spaghetti… that person didn’t know I could also make a mean Spaghetti Sauce, and he probably will never taste it either!!!

But you can.

This easy-peasy-spaghetti-sauce-recipe will show you how to:

Step 1
Take 6 to 8 large white mushrooms, slice them up and fry to taste. Then let it cool in a bowl.

Step 2
Put 6 delicious spicy sausages in the oven at 350 until fully cook, turn them around mid-way.
Then let them cool.

Step 3
Take a large stock pot, and fry 3 minced garlic cloves for 1 minute in some olive oil. Then add 2 large white onions diced and fry for approximately 3 or 4 minutes.

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Step 4
Now mix in the meat, 2 kg of lean or extra lean ground beef. Seasoned with salt and pepper to taste. Keep mixing until the meat is cooked, this might take a little bit but it’s good for your wrists.

Step 5
Dice 5 peppers, I like to mix colours and taste, so instead of just green pepper, I put in yellow, orange and red too… except when I made this one, forgot the red… idiot!
Add to fully cooked meat when ready.

Step 6
Carrots and celery, diced or sliced can also be added to the cooked meat, peppers, onions and garlic mix.

Step 7
Now you add 4 large cans of crushed tomatoes and 4 cans of beef broth. Of course, if you’re not lazy like me and can do your own, by all means. (I’m not advertising these brands, it’s just the ones they had a my local grocery store).
Mix all very well.

Step 8
Now add your diced vegetables and mix well once again. In fact, when I say mix, just always assume I mean mix well, I’m tired of repeating it.

Step 9
Now go back to your sausages and cut them in bite-sizes.

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Step 10
Now mix in your sausages to the sauce, they will replace meatballs and will have a nice spicy punch to your meal.
Also, now is the time to add your mushroom as well.
When all that is done, you put in your herbs, go crazy, you can’t go wrong, but remember to remove your Bay leaves before serving.

Step 11
Mix all ingredients until well blended and let it simmer uncovered on stove top for 2 hours. Stir regularly.

What I like to do, is turn the heat off completely, let is cool for a couple of hours, stir it nice and hard and then turn heat on again for another hour… not sure why I do this, except I saw that on a tv show once and it stuck with me, it’s just one of those cooky things.

This makes a lot of sauce, and you can freeze most of it in your nicest Tupperware for fun easy and quick dinner when you’re tired after work.

There, I can make more than Sheppard’s Pie. Pffffffffft!!!

How can anyone be in a bad mood after seeing this: