Last Wednesday morning was my yearly scheduled physical with my doctor, I had booked early in the morning as to avoid missing work time. As most times before, the Dr was running late and what I thought was a 7:30 appointment started at 8:15…
We chatted about what was new since the last year’s visit, I told him about an interesting talk I had with my uncle this past summer regarding leg pains, seems like all the men on father’s side are suffering from these on and off leg pains, sort of like muscle spasm that last for a couple of days and disappear for awhile when taking aspirin. I had mentioned the pain to my Dr many times before but he never seemed concerned. I asked if there was a detection test that could be done since my dad passed from Muscular Dystrophy and maybe the leg pains are early signs? He didn’t laugh at me but told me that there was no such test and that leg pains wouldn’t be the symptoms of early Muscular Dystrophy… hey, what do I know… I tell him I might want to get the flu shot this year for the first time… He says it’s a good idea and that it’s also time for my tetanus shot as the last one was 13 yrs ago.
I get naked, he starts prodding, doesn’t say much, get my undies back on, get on the scale, I’ve lost one kilo since last visit, he wants me to lose more… mention my tattoos, doesn’t say if he likes or not, but mention that I shouldn’t really consider myself a bear as I’m not girth appropriate… Ok, now he’s starting to get on my nerves a bit… So I tell him that it’s more an “admiring thing” than being one… I then sit again for the flu shot in the right arm and tetanus in the left…
While I get dressed, he asks me the usual other question, do I smoke, do I drink, do I smoke pot, do I take drugs… I guess he has to know, so I tell him the same as all the other visit: No; very little; never; just the ones he prescribes; He starts preparing the paperwork for the blood work, I look at my watch, he asks if I’m late for something, I say that since we “started” late, I will be late for work, so I’ll have to come back to do the lab work on another day… which is annoying because I had to fast for 12 hours prior to this visit. He recommends I come back on Friday as it seems to be the least busy day at the lab, it opens at 8am.
So we part, I’m not necessarily happy, I will be late for work now…
2 days later, I make my way to the lab, I want to be first in line, so I make my way early… I get there at 7:45… doors locked… a little sign says they open at 8am… 15 minutes isn’t so bad, even is sub-zero weather… hey I’m first after all. A few minutes later, another guy arrives, tries the doors, locked, he swears… I point to the little sign… He says they always open the doors before that, asks if I have a cellphone, I say yes, he asks me to call. I look around, no phone number… he says the number to his Dr’s office is, humm, wait, i call it so often, it will come… 964-something something… I wait… it will come he says… I put the phone away. No need to freeze the gentle iPhone because of this idiot. I will call him idiot1.
Shortly after this, idiot2, idiot3, girl, idiot4 and niceguy1 arrive, one after the other. Although I am standing by the door and it is visibly not opened, all 3 new idiots try the door and either sigh or say something negative, one says: fuck this shit! Oh, how clever in this -10 Celsius sunny morning. My watch says it is 7:55 now. Idiot5, coolguy1, niceguy2 and shyguy1 have now arrived. We’re forming this nice little circle on the sidewalk with me on one side of the locked door and idiot1 opposite me and everyone else on the sidewalk facing the door… it’s not looking good. Suddenly fatguy1 arrives and he looks like he has a key to open this door. He unlocks, I take a step forward but idiot1 and idiot2 zoom in front of me and make their way to the elevator, the only way down one floor to the lab. Idiot1 pushes the button. Now I’m no mathematician but I do know from experience that first person in an elevator is usually the last one out if everyone goes to the same floor, so I position myself to be the last one in, a bit to the side… Doors open, idiot1,2,3,me, girl, and niceguy1 go in, in that order… The elevator is very slow. We reached the floor below and before the doors totally open idiot1 and 2 push their way to the front of us, shoving girl and myself to the side… I look at niceguy1 and say: Good lord, someone’s in a hurry to get needles in his arm… He smiles, girl sighs, and then 3 of us go out… We have to go down a dark hallway, oh yeah, the lights aren’t on yet, and find the table to pick a number so we can wait our turn… I had been there before, so I am familiar with the place, but not that familiar that I can find my way in the dark. Score, idiot1 and 2 have their numbers, idiot2 managed to get the first one, must have been a pretty run… Niceguy1 finds the lightswitch, girl picks 3 number, hands me one and says: there, you should’ve had the first one since you were there before us, hands out the other number to niceguy1 and keeps hers. I thank girl and replies, while looking at idiot1 and 2, that I just don’t get this amazing race we just did, it’s not like there’s a prize for the winner, it’s still going to be a needle in the arm, we won’t even get a lollipop.
I sit down, get my iPhone out, text DR. I look up, girl is texting, niceguy is texting too… idiot1 & 2 are sitting, waiting… soon the next elevator arrives and idiot3,4,5, shyguy1 and coolguy1 join us. No one is talking. Finally #1 is called to go in. It’s 8:25 already. I’m going to be late again… And will have a needle in my arm to top it all. The 3rd one this week…