Sharkboy

Last Friday we went to the movies after work. As usual I had a large Coke with my popcorn. As usual I couldn’t wait to go to the bathroom after the movie ended. The one close to the actual theatre we were in was too busy, so I decided to walk to the one at the entrance, much bigger and less attended being further from the actual screen rooms.

As I turn the corner to make my way into the washroom, this guy walks past me, jeans hanging at the middle of his butt, pant legs way too long, that ugly look we’ve all had to become familiar in the big city. I don’t think twice about him. I enter the room and right away I notice two guys dressed very much the same standing around. There is no one else, just us 3 in this big room. I have to walk past them to go to the urinals. The look at me as I pass them. I go to the last of 8 urinals and undo the buttons from my fly… but I don’t start to pee yet. I’m totally uneasy now. From my peripheral vision and their reflection on the dark tiled wall, I can see one of them, with a lighter winter coat on, slowly moving in my direction, inching towards me. The other one is not moving yet. My mind start to rush… What if the guy that passed me was their lookout and these two bozos with whoever else might be in one the cubicle behind me decide to jump me… I do a quick mental check of my pocket content: wallet, iPod Touch, $40some in cash, movie gift card… yeah, it’s not good…

My heart is racing#32, I turn my head quickly in their direction, one is looking at me and looks away instantly, but I’m now sure that he is definitely closer to me than he should be for a dude that is not pissing or shitting or washing his dirty filthy hands in this washroom. Then I start wondering about what else could they be in here for? Are they waiting for a sick friend that is in the cube? Nah, they’d wait outside, not inside, or else they’d be talking… I’m still not pissing. Then some guy with a broom and a bottle of liquid spray comes in. Both guys turn in his direction. The cleaner goes to the first sink and starts wiping the counter, I finally start to pee like a son-of-a-bitch, heart racing, then another person comes in, then another one and I finally start to relax and finish peeing. I button up and go to one of the sinks to wash my hands, looking at the guy closes to me who is now busy looking at his teeth in the mirror, like he has pieces of popcorn stuck in there or something, and the other is leaning against the wall looking down, not doing anything else… I dry my hands and walk down to meet DR, all the time scanning the crowd for the original guy I passed to see if my theory of a lookout might just be true, but I don’t see him anywhere.. for all I know, he was probably one of the people that came in en masse a few minutes after me when another movie let out to warn them a crowd of people were coming in…

…if you received this email, from a co-worker, 6 business days prior to your probation period of six months being over?

Michel,
As much as I find you an amiable and likable person, I would like to make you aware
that your frequent and freely conducted, not job related chatter at workplace is disruptive
and aggravating to my professional objectives.
I would greatly appreciate your cooperation in this respect.
Blarghk (actual person’s name modified)

And then after the few seconds it took you to realize that it wasn’t a joke, you went back to the top of the email and noticed that it was also copied to your Lead and your Supervisor.

Here’s what I did:
I took 2 huge deep breaths, decided to remain calm, thought of the probation period being over so soon and that I could always take further steps once I was officially part of the best Union in the world… I then replied, copying my Lead and Supervisor and without apologizing, I wrote:
Thank you for bringing this to my attention Blarghk (actual person’s name modified), it’s noted.

I then walked to my Supervisor’s office and she looked up. She rolled her eyes and told me to not worry about this, that she was very aware of my good work and my track record spoke for itself. That’s all I needed to hear.

Now I realize this person is a coward for doing what he did, we are literally 2 desks apart, there was nothing wrong with him turning around and asking me to be quiet if I was really bothering him. I would’ve just done that. But he didn’t. He also didn’t say anything to my other, much “unionized” cubemate, who he knew would’ve have ripped him another hole, no, he’s afraid of her. But knowing that I wouldn’t do anything in this situation, that I wouldn’t risk getting an extension on my probation or worse get canned for causing trouble or seeming difficult, he tried to bully me #42, he tried to intimidate me. I guess it all fell apart when he realized that nothing was being done. Nor the Lead or Supervisor replied to him. Totally ignored.

The day after the incident, at closing time, he voiced his insincere salutations for the evening and it fell on deaf ears, my Lead nor myself responded. He walked away and came back seconds later and then said: “This is it? We don’t exchange pleasanteries anymore?”. My Lead continued her telephone call and I turned away to my computer both of us ignoring him. He just walked away.

As for my personal “fuck-you” to him, I printed a copy of the email and posted it to my cubicle wall, and I know I have “curious” workmates, so should anyone read it and spread the word about it, there is nothing I can do about that, I’ll defend my action by saying that I only printed the email as a personal daily reminder to never acknowledge him, help him, be nice to him and to continue to ignore him long after the probation period has passed.

And yes, this is the same individual that was trying to teach me the dress code the day I kept my baseball hat on.

Seriously.. HIVES…
It’s the latest in a series of bad bad bad commercials for him… this guy was once sued DC Comics for impersonating Superman… so now’s he’s Cashman… HIVES I tell you:

A meme for your interest:

From Dead Robot, via The Electronic Replicant

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
I got: Payload Specialist

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the third quote is the title of your album.
I got: We owe something to extravagance for thrift and adventure seldom go hand in hand – Jennie Jerome Churchill

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover
You then take the pic and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your pic.

When I retire from from the City of Toronto, I will start this band:

As you can tell, I am not very gifted in the Photoshop department…

I work in an office of approximately 75 people. It’s still fairly quiet as the space is really large with 2 huge file room right smack in the centre of it all. I get 2 breaks of 15 minutes a day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, I use them to read and relax and escape the whining. In warm temperature, it’s easy, I make my way outside and can read anywhere but in colder or wet weather, I need someplace quiet indoors.

I won’t read at my desk as it won’t stop people from bothering me or certainly won’t stop the phone from ringing. I tried the lunch room but on my second visit there, one employee was using the phone and was having this really nasty fight (#37) with either her father or her boyfriend, couldn’t tell… apparently she never heard of a cell phone and a private place to have these discussions. One other time, I was reading and someone came in and kept talking about the book she was reading but had forgotten at home and had nothing to read at the moment so as she ate her toasted bagel and yapped, I didn’t get one page in. So the hunt for the perfect place to read was now on.

I tried one of the file room but that was just creepy when two people came in not knowing some idiot was reading in the back and started dressing down their supervisor. Ackward… I tried this nice space by the 2nd floor elevator with a window and it worked until one time I got there and someone I don’t particularly like was standing, looking out the window and eating a large smelly sausage out of tin foil wrapper.

One day on my way out, I was taking the stairs down, and realized I was alone there… everyone else takes the elevator… hummm… it’s well-lit, it’s quiet, it’s clean… So the morning after, I tried it, I took my book and my celery snack and made my way to the stairwell, climbed to the floor above and sat on the edge of the steps and I had suddenly found my reading place. 15 minutes, undisturbed.

So of course, I continued going there. Once in awhile, someone, probably lost, walks by, might give me a look, but moves on quickly. After a few weeks, I noticed that one man in particular took the stairs regularly and after looking up at him as he passed me, he ventured: “I used to think you were lost, but I guess you come here on purpose”, I said: “yeah, it’s the only quiet place I know around”. He replied: “you must work with a lot of women”.

I think he’s a divorcee.

Isn’t it just too bad when a comeback line is wasted in a dream?

A couple of nights ago I dreamt of an exact situation I had had earlier that day walking home and accidentally bumping into a woman as I tried to pass her on a tight and busy uncleaned sidewalk. I said: “sorry”, she replied: “ignorant” #09 & #10. It sort of made me mad because it was her fault as much as mine as she was taking a lot of room, walking smack in the middle of the sidewalks with two huge bags, blocking the flow of an already reduced path because Torontonians prefer to put salt pellets to melt snow instead of taking 15 minutes to shovel in front of their houses.

Anyway, that night in my dream, the same scenario happened except that when she called me “ignorant”, I just turned back to her and said very casually: “You know, I can tell the future, and in your future, you’re fucking off”

I wonder if I’ll have the chance to use this in real life today.